I had a hard time deciding what to call this blog. It’s been a tough week for me. Going out last Sunday to get my “mojo” back in the Sporting Life 10km, ended up as cutting me off of everything including every day crutch free mobility really for I don’t know how long right now. That’s not what I was expecting out of this race. Now for the true honesty:
This is a sign. A sign that I have not been nice to myself. I sign that I had been pushing my body to it’s limits. Not giving enough rest. Feeling general day to day stress about who knows what. Stress in relationships. Stress in day to day life. Stress about not being fit enough, or fast enough, or ready to tackle the half Ironman I was supposed to do then dropped out of two weeks ago. Stress about the crappy weather and not getting out enough on my bike. Stress about money. And on and on.
A mom at school who recently lost her husband to cancer just recommended a book to me called “When the Body Says No” by Gabor Mate.
It is eerily true. I am only about 30 pages in, but it talks about how stress in the body affects bone health, disease etc etc. I knew all that, but really did I see it in myself? No. I think I talked about how I was going to accept injury and recovery in a better frame of mind the next time something went wrong, big or small. I have cried every day since last Sunday. I talk to so many friends, fellow twitterites, family , etc and all tell me the same thing. Put the energy into healing. You can’t look back. Take one day at a time. This is a time to recognize what your body needs and give it love. I know all this. I say “yes”, I stop crying. Then the next day comes and I cry again. I told my daughter last night, that every time I say something negative, she needs to say “POSITIVE”. Then she also came up with her own silly little word that she said (something to the effect of “Rucka Shmucka Woo”) which actually drives me up a tree but maybe enough to stop being negative!!! Oh the imagination of an almost 11 year old!
I also need to stay off Google. I tell my patients that all the time!! Google is bad bad bad when you have any medical issue. It will scare the living crap out of you. Last night I swore off Google. This morning, guess who was back on Google! I am making a statement now. DONE ON GOOGLE!!!!! The only benefit was that I connected with a few people who have had this injury. Commiserating about experiences can sometimes be useful. And sometimes not. Each situation is different. Maybe someone else will search and come up with my blog in which I may consider chronicling my recovery and process. I can’t help but think my one saving grace may have been the quick diagnosis and sudden ceasing of all activity once the symptoms came on. Heck I could not imagine doing anything after I finished that race and now. Some of these people really were in denial! I thankfully ran 8 minutes on my fractured pelvis. Not 8 weeks. Not 8 hours. Not 8 months. 8 minutes. I hope that counts for something. And saw a sports doc within 24 hours. And I go back on Thursday for another X-ray to confirm whether it is pubic rams or hopefully not femoral neck.
My butt is planted firmly on my couch. I am going to try to get back to some work next week, seeing clients I can see while sitting (even though I have some stairs to negotiate) and see how I respond on Tuesday. If not good, I will take another week off. If I can work , I think it will save my sanity though! It’s tough to be a healthcare worker and have injuries. A lot different than sitting at a desk. People don’t rely on you and obviously the job is physical in itself.
Thanks for reading. I hope everyone has a good weekend and if you are out running or cycling or swimming , do a step, spin, or lap for me!
PS…I Hope you like my new blog design. Still tweaking but thanks to Krysten Siba Bishop aka Darwinian Fail, for the assistance !